November 21st, 2024
“You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I can’t imagine my life without you”. Your first reaction to this statement may be, “how sweet”! Yet, there could be a darker side to these compliments. The gifts, time, and dedication may start off feeling warm and fuzzy, but could be a sign that your partner is love bombing you.
You may be reading this article because there is something that just feels off in your relationship, but you can’t exactly put your finger on it. The signs of love bombing can be subtle, and the pressure may be hard to notice at first.
Love bombing is a pattern of psychological abuse and emotional abuse that usually occurs at the beginning or early phases of a relationship. These relationships are most commonly romantic but can occur in platonic connection. Love bombing is defined as repeated actions in which “one party “bombs” the other with over-the-top displays of adoration and attention”.
These actions are intentional and planned, an attempt for one partner to gain control of the other. These acts are emotionally manipulative. The emotional manipulation is done so the partner being “bombed” becomes dependent on the partner and feels unable to leave the relationship.
There are multiple reasons as to why someone would love bomb their partner. Let’s go over the reasons why someone would use this form of emotional manipulation.
Love bombing has been linked to those with narcissistic tendencies or a narcissistic personality disorder. Common traits of narcissists include someone who is solely focused on their own needs, believes themselves to be superior to others, and uses manipulation in order to get what they want.
Those with anxious attachment styles most likely will struggle to feel confident, safe, and secure within their relationships. Anxious attachments occur in early childhood, when their needs are not met by their primary caregiver, or parental figure.
An anxious attachment style may mean they will have a hard time trusting their partner, which is why they feel compelled to engage in love bombing to encourage or manipulate their partner into staying with them.
Love bombing can also be a key component for recruitment for cults or sex trafficking. Love bombing heavily relies on being able to control and manipulate their victims. Dennis Tourish asserted “Prospective recruits are showered with attention, which expands to affection and then often grows into a plausible simulation of love”.
Here are the three phases of love bombing. By reviewing this cycle it may be easier for you to identify signs of love bombing in a relationship.
After the discard phase, many people are left feeling as though they did something wrong within the relationship or they approached the conversation in a way that “scared” their partner. Many love bombers will come back after the discard phase to see if they still have any control over their ex-partner and start the cycle over again.
Here is a list of typical love bombing examples:
Here are a few typical love bombing signs you should keep an eye out for:
Yes! Love bombing is absolutely emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is defined as “non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten someone. These behaviors are often more subtle and hard to identify but are just as serious as other types of abuse”.
Love bombing at its core is an attempt to control a partner. Though there may be different reasoning behind this motivation, it still is a form of emotional abuse. If you believe that you are experiencing emotional abuse in your relationship, help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) or book an appointment with a domestic violence and trauma therapist at Clarity Clinic.
There are many ways to heal from love bombing. It may be the case that your partner is open to learning about boundary setting and wants to work on no longer engaging in love bombing. You may want to have a conversation about your experience within the relationship with your partner to let them know that you are feeling gaslighted or controlled.
This conversation could be most productive within the confines of couples therapy or couples counseling, so that both partners are able to communicate in a way that feels productive.
However, it’s important to remember that it is not your responsibility to “fix” someone. They most likely will not be open to changing and learning. This can be hard to accept, and many find themselves embarrassed to have fallen for someone who engages in this manipulative behavior.
Remember your support system outside of your relationship. Your partner may have attempted to isolate you from your friends and family but remember that you have many people who love you and want to help.
It may also be helpful to talk to a therapist near you about the confusing feelings that may arise from the love bombing cycle. A therapist can help validate your experience, untangle the web of lies and gaslighting the love bomber created, helping you safely end the relationship.
Love bombing can leave deep emotional scars, shaking your confidence and making it difficult to trust others—or even yourself. At Clarity Clinic, we understand the impact of manipulative behaviors like love bombing and offer personalized therapy to help you heal, rebuild, and grow.
Our individual therapy sessions provide a safe, supportive space where you can work with a licensed therapist in Chicago to process your experiences, regain your sense of self, and develop healthy relationship patterns. If love bombing has affected your current or past relationships, we’ll help you uncover its effects and guide you toward emotional recovery.
For those navigating the complexities of a current relationship impacted by love bombing, our couples counseling can offer insight and tools to foster healthier communication, set boundaries, and rebuild trust—if it’s right for both partners. We proudly offer the best couples therapy in Chicago!
With mental health clinic locations across Chicago such as the Loop, River North, Lakeview Belmont, Lakeview Broadway, Evanston, and Arlington Heights, as well as online therapy that takes insurance, we proudly serve all of Illinois.
Clarity Clinic makes it easy to access the help you need, whether in person or online so you can find therapy near you or relationship counseling near you with little to no hassle. Our team of skilled mental health therapists is dedicated to providing compassionate, tailored care to meet your unique needs.
Don’t let the effects of love bombing hold you back. Reach out to Clarity Clinic today and take the first step toward healing and building the fulfilling relationships you deserve.
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Related Readings:
- How Couples Therapy Can Help Even Healthy Relationships
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