Have you ever stumbled upon your words in a presentation and then spent the remainder of the day thinking about how every person in the room now thinks you’re a terrible speaker? Or what about when you trip on your shoe lace walking down the street and are overwhelmed by the thought that the whole city is now staring at you laughing? What about when you spill a drop of coffee on your pants and become paranoid that all of your colleagues are judging your cleanliness?
This phenomenon is referred to as the “Spotlight Effect“, the tendency to believe that others pay more attention to you, than in fact they actually do.
Self-awareness of our own emotions, behaviors, and thoughts comes instinctively to us as humans. Our understanding of the world is gained through our own experiences and perspectives. We use these to then evaluate the world around us, as well others within it. In addition, we often assume that what we are focused on is not only accurate but objective as well.
Overall, we find ourselves doing the following:
- Evaluating others thoughts and behaviors based upon our own perceptions and experiences.
- Over exaggerating the accuracy of our own perceptions.
- Assuming others share in our perceptions.
As a result of this we often significantly exaggerate and notice our own flaws. Leading us to believe that others around us are focused on our mistakes, slip-ups, or faults as well. Mistakes or faults may become remarkably difficult to move past, especially for those who set very high standards for themselves. You may replay everyday slip-ups over and over again in your head. Or perhaps you find yourself talking through every detail with a friend, loved one, or coworker. This can lead to feelings of self-consciousness or social anxiety.
This is not to say that others do not notice things about you at all; however, it is more often than not that they don’t process information about you as deeply. While you’re stuck feeling anxious and ruminating, it is likely that they have moved on. The truth is others rarely notice … they often lack the knowledge of, for instance, the coffee stain on your shirt and are consumed with the exaggeration of their own flaws!
It’s quite common for us to have some moments of self-doubt; however, it is the spotlight effect that catastrophizes our experiences. So the next time you find yourself stuck on a slip up, replaying a mistake you made, or having a hard time moving past a fault … take a moment to remind yourself of the spotlight effect.
STEPHANIE BALLARD, LPC, CADC – CLARITY CLINIC