October 8th, 2024
Who am I? A question we often ask ourselves throughout our lives. The problem becomes when we stop asking that question. “Who am I?” has the potential to turn into “what is wrong with me?” when we go through changes we don’t understand, or feel like we don’t know ourselves.
It is important to begin to change your mindset from “what is wrong with me” to “how can I get to know myself?” By getting to know yourself you then can begin to answer and understand what is going on in your life internally and externally.
So I bet you're wondering, “how can I get to know myself?” Well, it is not as hard as you may think, but it is a lifelong commitment that changes as you change and your life. What better commitment though then to yourself?
Keep reading to learn how you can get to know yourself!
Before we jump into helping you answer the question “who am I”, it’s important to mention that there is nothing “wrong” with you. Often, when people feel lost or disconnected from themselves, they tend to believe that something must be broken or flawed within them. However, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
The feeling of not knowing who you are or where you’re headed is a natural part of the human experience. We all face moments of uncertainty, confusion, and doubt, especially when trying to understand our own identity. These feelings don’t signify that there’s something wrong with you, but rather, they indicate that you are at a point of growth and exploration.
Instead of asking “What’s wrong with me?” consider reframing the question as “What is happening within me?” This small shift in perspective opens the door to self-compassion and curiosity, rather than judgment. It encourages you to dig deeper and explore what you might need to uncover or heal to discover who you truly are.
Personal growth is a lifelong process. As we age, we continue to learn and develop, leading to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our goals.
Getting to know yourself is not as difficult as you may think. The challenge lies in carving out dedicated time for yourself and truly being present during those moments. What you do to get to know yourself is a personal journey so you must be intentional when deciding what it is that works for you.
For some people, writing in a journal about their days or simply writing random ideas that come into their minds is a way they get to know their inner selves. For others, being in therapy and having a relationship with a therapist is when they can spend time reflecting and getting to know themselves.
For some, taking their dog on a long walk and going through their thoughts and reflecting on their day and feelings is a way they get to know themselves, but again that is not for everyone. Find time to reflect on your relationships with colleagues, friends, family, etc. Reflect on the decisions you make and why? What makes you happy? What gives you purpose? What pushes your buttons?
Spend time learning about who you are. This kind of reflection shouldn’t happen once a month but as much as possible, preferably daily. It is important to note that during this process, you may learn things about yourself that you don’t like, but that’s okay.
You may discover things that are in your life that could be toxic or realize are negatively impacting you. Be comfortable with the uncomfortable things that may come up.
This is where the growth occurs. When you can identify why things are a certain way or why you feel a certain way, then you have the power to take the steps to make the change.
After taking the time to discover who you are and becoming intimate with your thoughts, feelings and ideas it is important to provide yourself with self-compassion. Whether you are struggling with adjusting to a new neighborhood, realizing you may be struggling with depression or feel like you're failing as a friend, remember to change your thought process from “what is wrong with me” to “how can I show myself self-compassion.”
You may be disappointed in the decisions you have made or unhappy with your current job, but lacking self-compassion only makes situations worse, leaving you feeling worse about yourself than before.
Self-compassion is a powerful tool you can use to improve your well-being, self-confidence, and resilience. Many find it easy to have compassion for others but struggle in applying this same kindness to themselves. By taking moments throughout your day to pause and practice self-compassion, you can gradually increase this quality and make it a more regular habit in your life.
When you find yourself stressed out in a difficult situation, take a moment to pause. This is called a self-compassion pause. Reach up and touch your heart, or give yourself a hug if you are comfortable with that. Take a few deep breaths.
Acknowledge that you may be having hard feelings and see if you can treat yourself with as much kindness as you would a dear friend or child who was struggling. Offer yourself phrases of compassion, first by acknowledging your difficult feelings or situation:
“This is really painful/difficult right now.” or “Wow, I am really in a hard place right now!”
For the final phrase(s), choose whatever is most appropriate for your situation. Feel free to use any of the following phrases or create your own:
- May I hold myself with compassion.
- May I love and accept myself just as I am.
- May I experience peace.
- May I remember to treat myself with love and kindness.
- May I be open to my experience just as it is.
Return to your daily activities, intentionally carrying an attitude of self-compassion and acceptance to your day. The issue is never that you feel like something is wrong with you or you feel that you don’t understand yourself or know yourself.
The issue lies when you don’t take the time to answer those questions and make a conscious effort daily to discover who you are and grow from those moments within yourself.
When you're on a journey to figure out who you are, one of the most effective therapeutic approaches to consider is Psychodynamic Therapy. This form of therapy is rooted in the idea that our unconscious mind, past experiences, and early relationships have a significant influence on our current thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
Psychodynamic Therapy is especially helpful for individuals seeking to understand themselves on a deeper level and uncover what shapes their identity.
Psychodynamic Therapy focuses on exploring the underlying patterns and conflicts in your life that may be impacting how you see yourself. Through a collaborative process with your therapist, you will:
Looking for an answer to the question “who am I?” Our therapists near you can help. Clarity Clinic is a mental health clinic that offers the best therapists in Chicago. Whether you are looking for a therapist that specializes in psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, or conditions such as depression, we can help.
Our experts are here to provide the quality care you deserve to get your mental health back on track. Head to our therapy clinics located in the Loop, River North, Lakeview Belmont, or Lakeview Broadway, Chicago, IL. If you are located in a suburb such as Oakbrook, Northbrook, Schaumburg, Winnetka, or Naperville, IL, head to our Evanston or Arlington Heights clinic.
Can’t make it to our clinics? No worries! We also provide the best online therapy that takes insurance so you can have access to the mental health care you need. For leading talk therapy, couples therapy, family therapy, group therapy, and child therapy, and mental health therapists near you, Clarity Clinic is the place to go!
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Related Readings:
- When Celebrating World Kindness Day, Don’t Forget to Be Kind to Yourself
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